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Apr. 18th, 2011

"you read all kinds of books and see all kinds of movies about the man who is obsessed and devoted, whose focus is a single solid beam, same as the lighthouse and that intense, too. it is heathcliff with catherine. it is a vampire with a passionate love stronger than death. we crave that kind of focus from someone else. we’d give anything to be that “loved.” but that focus is not some soul-deep pinnacle of perfect devotion - it’s only darkness and the tormented ghosts of darkness. it’s strange, isn’t it, to see a person’s gaping emotional wounds, their gnawing needs, as our romance? we long for it, i don’t know why, but when we have it, it is a knife at our throat on the banks of greenlake."

— Deb Caletti

i love chancing upon quotes that echo what you feel. i feel like the younger me was always searching for that kind of obsession/devotion, but as you grow older you discover what you really want. it's been about a year since i last blogged and i don't know why i decided to again.

it's the mugging month and life is pretty miserable. i find it quite funny that you suddenly see an influx of people posting bible verses and other things during this month; learning to depend on God in times of need. but makes me wanna laugh abit because it feels like mugging is the worst thing that we all go through in life; how it's the time of greatest 'need'. reminds me of how sheltered and lucky we are, and how smooth-sailing our lives are. mugging month also forces you to narrow down your social circle and just spend time with those few who are truly close to your heart. and you learn how God works through them to bring us comfort, strength, and encouragement. small joys and little gestures of love keep us going (: jiayou everyone!!

taking flight

You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams - E. E. Cummings

life has been a daze of sorts haha. the last few weeks of school were pretty slack - watched phantom, celebrated 2-monthsary, had prom, and just came back from sweden!! it was freezing but really pretty. we ate lots of desserts and meatballs (I ATE REINDEER/MOOSE MEAT) and perved at many blonde haired blue eyed boys/girls! ((: we also had snowball fights and lots of adventures taking dangerous jumpshots on floating pieces of ice haha!! had interesting talks at night with friends and lots of love to go around. sigh but now back to reality with so much mugging ahead of me ): haha had a good tutor meeting last wed and made me think about career options as well! hmm. life seems so uncertain sometimes but all we can do and perhaps all we ever need to do is just trust God to guide us and watch over us (:
just finished watching up in the air. haha yes i know i'm slow but movies are expensive here in london so i don't get to watch them as frequently as i usually do in sg ): and we usually end up watching it on the small-screen aka comp screen -.- anyway the film made me think quite abit though not as much as i thought it would. but it was a good film and i would recommend it to anyone! i think i've always had abit of an obsession with this sort of feeling. the feeling of being able to escape from life with all its burdens and responsibilities and just start life afresh with nothing or just live it moving around from place to place without needing to return somewhere or any obligations. it is kinda exhilarating. but at the end of the day we all realise that that would be a life with no meaning and i think the inability to be able to forge true and deep relationships built on love and trust would kill me haha. and it's funny how, actually these things in life often lift you up instead of weighing you down. on a sidenote george clooney is getting old so sad ):

but sometimes you can't ignore that keeping up a relationship is tiring. sometimes you try but it feels like you're not doing enough or you're always getting it wrong. or sometimes you just end up hurting the other person even when you try not to or when in actual fact that's the last thing you want to do. and sometimes you feel too stubborn, too childish, too flawed to be loved. and sometimes you just want to run away from the hurt. and sometimes when you realise how much power someone else has over you, the power to hurt you and cause you such pain, you just want to run away. you don't want to feel so vulnerable or helpless. sometimes you question the depth of their love. and sometimes you wonder whether you both could be happier with someone else... but at the end of the day when you both come running back into each other's arms, you see that you both love each other and are truly happy with one another and want to work all these stupid little things out together. and i guess that's all that really matters sometimes <3

inspirational stories along the way to show us that true love does exist and marriages aren't just fairytales haha - check this out!

Tom Shovelton has put a fresh rose at his wife's bedside every single day for the 60 years they've been married. Every morning, he kisses her when she wakes up, and every night he kisses her goodnight. "I love her to bits," he says. "I have done since the day we met." awwwww! to read more see here!!

first valentines <3

so i thought i was going to use a studentbeans voucher and go somewhere nice but cheap for dinner on thurs but cos j claimed he wanted to bring a bag suddenly we had to go up to his room to get it! and then i saw a four-course meal on the table with tealights hahha! super surprised (: and i had even worn 4 layers cos i thought we would be going out into the cold hahaha. so it was cream of mushroom soup plus some spicy chicken fillet plus tomato pasta plus steak!! yums. i think he can cook better than me x.x and got red tulips and one rose hahaha. and godiva chocs for dessert ((: aahh feel very xinfu haha beats any posh dinner outside! and i think all our mutual friends are super amused cos basically they knew what we were both going to do for each other and had to help us cover up whenever we had to secretly do things hahaha. before i left the room stupid chaorong and wanrong were like 'WEAR MORE AH IT'S VERY COLD OUTSIDE' even though they knew i was just going to be next door -.- trick me ):

and for my part i learnt a song on guitar for him! was supposed to be i'll stand by you by the pretenders but the F#minor chord need to bar and it was soo harrdd and my fingers hurt damn badly cos my friend's guitar is acoustic and had steel strings! )): even as i type now my fingers hurt boo ): so i changed to an easier song - you and i by ingrid michaelson! haha and performed it for him today but it was quite fail i kept pausing to change my chords but i made it!! hahaha. he looked happy (: and i made his fav sushi - california maki!! wah it was a headache going around trying to find ingredients but here's the end product! and everyone says it's yummy including him so i guess that makes it a success woots (:

ohyeah and here's a healthy lunch with rice, luncheon meat, and runny egg!! hahaha. me and wanz have perfected the art of making soft boiled eggs yay!! can you see it's a smiley face with hair?? hahaha.

kk leaving for ireland in 3 hours will be back on wed night/thurs morning!! happy cny and vday people <3 will upload more pics of london and ireland when i get back ((:

jiakang is finally blogging again! (:

so i decided that since it's the start of the new year i should at least try to revive my blog by writing the obligatory new years post (: wanted to do one of the quizzes and i did start..but got carried away by the first question and was too lazy to continue haha x.x so here's my answer (:

1. What did you do in 2009 that you'd never done before?

Wow loads!! Started going to church regularly and truly having a personal relationship with God, worked at a kids playground and received pay (had to clean up pee and vomit in the process and try to host birthday parties for quiet one year olds to rowdy 10 year olds), went on holidays with friends alone (Gold Coast/Cairns - white water rafting, scuba diving, Florence/Venice/Pisa), learnt how to drive, played mini golf, went tandem biking, lived alone in london, did my own laundry, cooked my own rice, danced at a boat party down River Thames, wore a spag top, mooted in a mock legal trial, shared a classroom with people from all over the world, tried wing chun, went for a christian union retreat in the english countryside, skyped!!, repaired a broken friendship, received truly heartrending letters, and..started feeling for someone like i've never felt before ((:

this question got me into a very contemplative mood haha. then i started to reflect on all that had happened in 2009 and i realised how it had been a veryvery good year (: especially in comparison with 2008 (my archives are super emo haha) and i feel very blessed! think i'd have to agree with my friend and say..i'm filled with hope for the new year ((: let's hope it doesn't disappoint!

oh and here's a reminder to study hard, become more independent, travel more, be more filial, keep in touch with everyone back home, keep a good balance between love and life (haha), and most importantly..put God first in my heart and in the center of my life (: have a great new year everyone and take careeee <3